I've been organising myself and getting on, especially since yesterday's bike theft, and now I've got time to think. I'm so angry with myself. I always always lock my bike. I often tie it to the tent if I can't lock it to something. Yesterday I arrived back and said hello to the neighbours. Then it rained hard so I hid away. It never even occurred to me that I hadn't locked it. It was early evening then night...I fell asleep.
All the other things that have happened, getting burned, my tent breaking, the battery not working, were all beyond my control. It was annoying. It hurt but it was just things happening. I couldn't have prevented any of it. This I could have stopped. Just by in that split second doing what I always do.
Then the theif - I still can't work out how they found the bike - might have left the campsite with nothing. There are bikes unlocked all over campsites. I can see one from here. That site was so small and out of the way and had a gate that was closed and was next to the police station. Of all the sites I've been on...Of course I shouldn't have to lock it. Of course I shouldn't expect that someone will sneak into a little out of the way site and hunt out a bike to steal. But they did. To those in Dessau you're looking for one blue Dawes Galaxy, slightly worn.
I like my new bike. I'd have chosen it as an in town commuter I think. As a change. But I'd still like to have my old bike too. I'm glad now that I didn't change the bald rear tyre (I was aware I was pushing whatever luck I did have with that) or the bar tape - that was held together with extra blue electrical tape. The saddle that I've ridden for more than 10,000 miles was wearing away a bit too. I miss that saddle though. I miss the big green apple bell. I miss the sporty strong feeling of riding it. I miss it. I think I'm grieving for a sodding bike.
At this point usually I'd say 'still, mustn't dwell' or some other cheerful thing to make sure no one is worrying about me too much. Because I know this holiday more than most I've caused worry. There is still no need. I am, as I said yesterday, ok. I am also sad and angry and writing about it helps. Usually writing about the small bad things is fun. It makes for interesting reading but this holiday has been a little extreme. When the tent poles broke for a second time I think I may have had a bit of a swearing at the sky moment. The bike theft is different. It's so dramatic I can't be glib. It must have been planned. It seems so unkind and I always believe that on the whole, people are kind.
I've been saving up little anecdotes about the holiday. All the nice things I want to share and writing about those soon will help too. It may not seem it but I have had so many nice times this holiday. I've met so many people who have gone out of their way to help me. I wish I could go back and do the ride again. I think there are lots of interesting places I'd have like to have spent time at but often I've been so embattled I haven't been able to think.
I spent two days battling with an expensive power pack trying to get it to charge things. That made me worried. Without my phone I wouldn't be in contact. Getting new power packs turned out to be easy but it made me spend ages in places I wouldn't normally have visited. Twice.
Then the tent. Until I worked out how to fix that (go me and my problem solving mind) every evening I'd be wondering if it would still be ok. If it didn't work tonight was there a hotel near by? Could I buy poles? Or another tent? Should I? I'm happy I didn't, I don't think I could have run to a new tent and a new bike. Even though the bike was in the sale.
Apart from the bike theft, the burn had the biggest impact. It did hurt and now it's itchy. Trying to keep it clean and dressed in rainstorms wasn't easy. I had to shower in the bandage to unstick it. Walking around with the wound covering stuck on caused more wounds so when scabs formed I was grateful. Even then though I was trying to cover it to keep it out of strong sun. Every place I went to for at least a week became about finding none stick dressings, which incidentally I never did.
Apologies for the long dramatic post. But, would you believe it, I do feel better. I feel like I am repeating some sort of mantra, I am ok.
Tomorrow I'm heading towards Potsdam. There is only one site between here and there and it has dreadful reviews so I'm not staying there. There isn't many big towns either. My hope is that I can make it to Potsdam itself. If I follow the official route it will be 100k but with the help of good old google maps, I should be able to shave a bit off that.
Then it's a simple one day ride into Berlin on Sunday and rendezvous day. If you thought today has been a bit emotional count yourself lucky you're not my other half. The poor man is usually confronted by a weeping mess so this year, goodness knows what he will find.
And after some tears and cuddles, I'll tell him what I'm telling you: I am ok.
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